party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
