Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
