YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
two words...techno handjob
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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