She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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