All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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