I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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