i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
