im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
