literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
