Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
