You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
