matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
