Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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