I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
