Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
