i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
