I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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