WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
