i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
