I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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