It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
