her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
