I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
