ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
