he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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