there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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