??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
