I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
