i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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