I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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