Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
