I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize