I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
