Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
