i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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