YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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