I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
