We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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