Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
