I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't deserve a penis
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
