Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found the puke drawer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
