I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
