I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
