I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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