I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
