how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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