i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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