You're so nebulous sometimes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
