I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
