If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
