No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
