He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
