I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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