you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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