so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
