Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
