I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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