I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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