I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
