i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize