Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
