East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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