vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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