the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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