my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
