Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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