Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
