Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
