pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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