I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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