We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize