fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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