If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
