Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
