Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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