I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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